The "Worst Case Scenario" Game

[The One]

I wonder how you could get a worst case in this one? Ok... Let's let imagination work...

...So far, the Gothic Kabbalah tour has gone smoothly, you being one of the roadies are with band in the tourbus and just need to help them out when putting the equipment, scenography and getting the instruemnts out. Pretty much the job a fan of any band would love to have. Ok, another showday has come... Time to get the parts of the scenography out of the truck, that goes smoothly, now it's time for teh instruments to get out. You have the honour to carry Chris' Gibson Les Paul with the tuning mechanism. Oops! Someone distracted you and you dropped the guitar, breaking the head of the guitar, the tuners (and the auto-tuning mechanism with it!) HOLY CRAP! What are you going to do now?! The show will satrt in about two hours and you need to ahve that guitar fixed so that the guys can do soundcheck! Ok, a friend of yours decides to help you and takes it to a nearby guitar shop where they will reapir it. Ok, Ok, breathe, you almost saved yourself from this one... Now you ahve the honour to carry Kristian's Ibanez, but as you get it out of the cargo compartment, you hit the guitar's head... You don't break it as with Chris' Les Paul, but you have broken all the strings and scratched the head... Damn, the emergency guitar shop is too bust with Chris' guitar, so you'll have to fix it yourself! You get some randome strings and install tehm on the Ibanez as fast as you can, but then you see somethig is kind of akward... You placed the strings upside down, so now you have to do it again. You deliver the guitar to Kristian, who wonders about the scratch, but then doesn't give a damn about it... When he connects the guiatr to the amp, the guitar explodes and injurs Kristian. Now, that is all your fault! When the fans become aware you are the one who injured Kristian and f*cked up the whole tour, they'll hunt you down and kill you. When they do, you are an enemy to the Therion community, are banned from all forums and gigs, and are hunted down and killed.

Next one: Hunting ducks

[Markus]

You're out in the wilderness, hunting ducks. You took a buddy along, but he keeps cracking jokes and keeps telling you to be careful, for the ducks might start behaving like this. You get so annoyed that you shoot him in the head. Umm... too bad that a cop, who was taking his police dog for a walk in the wilderness,  was standing right behind you, witnessing the scene. Half an hour later you're sitting in a prison cell already, and you wonder how that duck came into the cell and why it's looking at you with that strange, almost evil expression...

Next one: You're calling a friend on the phone.

[Diane]

You just checked your answering machine and there's a message from one of your friends.  You're trying to call her back, but everytime your finger touches the phone's numpad, you get zapped!   You tried using your regular home phone and your cell phone...  same thing happens.  It's a beautiful sunny day...  no clouds in the sky to indicate thunder or lightning that might interfere with phone service.  You decide to go next door to use your neighbor's phone.  You press her doorbell, then...  ZAP!!  A fierce bolt of electricity goes through your whole body!  But you realize something...  these surges of power seem to originate in your mouth.  Oh, no...   it's the braces that you just got!  They cause power bursts with everything you touch.  You decide to go to your orthodondist to fix this problem,  but as you turn your key into the ignition of your car...   ZAP!  Then you die.   You never got to return your friend's call.  However, she went to your funeral and as she was near your casket you were able to relay a message telepathically from your braces to her pacemaker (she was an old lady with heart trouble). 

Next:  flying in a plane   

[Markus]

You're flying in a plane, very much looking forward to meeting that biologist buddy you got over there in Canada. You notice a bunch of ducks flying next to your big passenger jet, and you're a bit surprised to see them so high up in the air. You didn't even know that ducks could survive at an altitude of 11.000 metres... Oh, and you could have sworn they were grinning.

But oh well... what harm can ducks to a jet as big as this one? You lean back, enjoy your meal (ironically, you've been serve chicken breast) and watch the sun set beautifully behind the plane windows. Later on you enjoy the movie they're showing on the screen, even though you find it a bit tasteless to show a horror movie in an airplane. Having some macabre humour yourself, you still enjoy it...

...not noticing that the plane is losing height uncontrolledly. You never would have guessed that the ducks hammered a hole into the cabin window and chopped both pilot and co-pilot to bloody little pieces during one of the slaughtering scenes in that movie. As the plane crashes down it hits a nuclear power plant, of course, which is considered a terror attack and triggers a world-wide nuclear war. (You would have been amazed to see how many countries have nukes these days. ) It's the end of the world.

Next one: You're contacting your friend's pacemaker telepathically from your grave.

[The One]

Your soul is still stuck in your body, so you contact your friend telepathically... She gets your impulses and message, but is so shocked because of it, she dies fo a heart attack in the middle of your funeral. A few days later, she is also buried, a few graves from you. Both of you now chat as spirits and plan to throw an undead party with all of those other "inhabitants" of the graves. Luckily, most of the "inhabitants" are undead and rise from teh grave to your party, you have a great time, untila  security guard appears and shoots one of the undead in the head... His head explodes but his body continues dancing, the guard is so scared he kills himslef ad joins the party... When sunlight reaches you, all of the undead, with you and your friend turn to ashes... You suffer an eternity as ashes, no more partying, no more slaughter and scare-to-death of mortals... You communicate the other undead telepathically, but no one wants to respond to you... You want to kill yourself out of so much boredom, but you remember you are dead already, so you can do nothing about it...

Next one: Writing non-sense in a forum

[Nighthawk]

Undead are immune to critical hits. But okay.



You log on to NTSMS and check if there are any new posts on the Worst Case Scenario Game thread. By Jove, someone wrote something! You jump merrily up and down, ecstatic because you have an excuse not to study. After you read the new posts, you decide to contribute with a witty reply of your own. As you start to write this scrumptious post about ducks, a pack of them flies in through the window and beats you to death.

Lying in a pool of your own blood, you could swear you hear one of them say: 'Markus says hello'.



Next up: Writing a six-page essay on the dichotomy of good and evil and your girlfriend's toy dolphin.

[melchiah131]

Undead are immune to critical hits. But okay.



You log on to NTSMS and check if there are any new posts on the Worst Case Scenario Game thread. By Jove, someone wrote something! You jump merrily up and down, ecstatic because you have an excuse not to study. After you read the new posts, you decide to contribute with a witty reply of your own. As you start to write this scrumptious post about ducks, a pack of them flies in through the window and beats you to death.

Lying in a pool of your own blood, you could swear you hear one of them say: 'Markus says hello'.



Next up: Writing a six-page essay on the dichotomy of good and evil and your girlfriend's toy dolphin.

     I gotta see who's gonna take up this one!!!!!

[Diane]

"...Next up: Writing a six-page essay on the dichotomy of good and evil and your girlfriend's toy dolphin..."

Piece of cake...

*ahem*

You're a senior in high school, and your sadistic teacher gave your class the arduous task of writing a six-page essay on the dichotomy of good and evil.  You spent all week working on it...  went to the library...  looked on the internet...   spent time interviewing the nice ladies in the windows in Amsterdam ( ) to get their evil insights... even flew to Vatican City ( ) to speak with all the do-gooders.  You put your heart and soul into this essay...   even came up with not just six pages, but ten!!  You were so proud of yourself and knew that you scored at least an A+++.  So, you put your 10-page tome in a nicely decorated binder and decide to drive over to your girlfriend's house to show her.  You go up to her room like you always do ( ), but you notice something awful...   like something out of a horror movie.  There's blood everywhere.  Your girl is being slaughtered by her collection of stuffed animals that came alive!  You can't move...  you are frozen in place as you see all of their hungry blood-thirsty eyes come marching towards you.  The leader of the pack is non other than her stuffed toy dolphin.  He has venom in his eyes.  You try to move but you can't.  Now all the animals are on you....biting, mauling, etc...   And OMG...   the stuffed ducks are pecking at your eyes!  She dies...   you die.   Your essay got ripped to shreds in the whole frenzy.  And it died as well. 

Hey...   at least I came up with something!   

Next:  Eating cookies

[The One]

You get the cookeis out of the oven, but as you're not wearing protetice gloves, you burn your hands. Ok, you can put your hands into icy cold water and get rid of the pain. Ok, now wearing protective gear, you move the cookie tray and put all the hot fresh cookies in a bowl. You decide to eat them once your hands start feeling better. You go off to the computer and enter a forum to see that someone wrote a story simialr to what just happened to you and see that the person in the story died piosoned by the cookies. Ok, it's not a big deal, just a coincidence, you knwo, you're not gonna die... Big mistake buddy! When you start eating your fresh cookies, you realize you put poisonous insect spray on them instead of the spray you usually put that makes them taste so good after they're baked. The poison kills you eventually.

[Nighthawk]

Um, is it possible you forgot something?

[The One]

Oops.. yeah... um...

Next one: Buying a new bass

[Nighthawk]

One not so special morning you wake up with an insationable craving for fish. Not just any fish...

Well, any fish, actually, as long as it falls into the family of basses.

You go to the market to buy one. As you stroll into the blessed bazaar that holds the answer to your prayers, you notice a sign saying 'Me sel bass, goode ass knew'. Using your superior deducting skills, you surmise that the owner of the sign has, in fact, a bass to offer you. All giddy and gay you jump to the owner's stand. You are greeted by an Arab of questionable dental prowess.

"Buy kebab, it good!" he yells at you the moment you open your mouth to ask for a bass.

"Erm," you answer diplomatically.

"Kebab?" he suggests.

You look at him, puzzled, until his dwarven sidekick appears from behind him.

"I apologize in Abdul's name," he says to you, sighing heavily. "He knows only a few words of English, which wouldn't be so bad if he actually had any kebabs."

"Ah!" your eyes gleam hopefully. "So the sign is true, then?"

"Yes," the dwarf replies. "Although slightly misspelled."

"In that case, I'd like a bass, please!"

"Certainly, sir. Electric or acoustic?"

"Eh?"

The dwarf looks at you and repeats his inquiry patiently.

After the second time, it makes even less sense.

"Um... what's the difference?" you ask him. The way you figure it, it's probably in the way they prepare them - electric ones are prepared over an electric oven, and acoustic ones over... erm.... acoustic ovens.

"Well, the electric one, you need to plug it into an amplifier to get the correct sound," the dwarf answers.

You nod.

"The acoustic, of course, is self-sufficient."

You nod.

"You have no idea what I'm talking about."

You nod.

The dwarf sighs.

"Listen, how 'bout I give you a deal? I'll sell you this handy-dandy bass for only 40$, and I'm cutting my own throat here."

Upon saying this, the dwarf takes a sturdy instrument out of a box near Abdul. You have no idea what to make of the thing in his hands - it's like a guitar, you muse, but someone forgot to put two more strings on it. He hands you the instrument and you examine it.

"I see. And the fish is inside, it it?" you ask him knowingly.

"Uh... sure," the dwarf answers, shrugging. "Why not."

"40 dollars, you say?"

"40 bucks."

"Isn't that a bit steep?"

"For an acoustic bass of such fine quality? Sir, just hit a note! Any note!" he urges you.

You look at him, shrug, make a fist and hit the instrument with a whopping right hook. A string snaps menacingly.

"Erm," the dwarf suggests. "30."

You decide not to argue with the man. After all, he's the merchant, not you - he probably knows his basses. You pay him and leave the bazaar, cheered with a hearty 'Buy kebab, it good!' somewhere behind you.

Funny... you muse as you return to your home. Forgot to ask him how d'you prepare an acoustic bass. Oh, well. I'll wing it.

Imagine your surprise when you tried to cook it.



Next up, an easy one: Writing haiku near a duck pond.

[The One]

Well, you write a nice haiku, and you start reciting it to everyone near you, people become annoyed. And run off and push you into the lake. Then the ducks start acting wierdly... They start looking at you with red eyes...And soon start biting you like the Earth-spying demons they actually are, you have limbs cut off, bleeding, but at least get out of the blood-stained pond, funnily, it's time for all the grannies to come into teh park and find you rotting and dying by a blood-stained lake filled with nice and lovely duck. They all faint and some die of a heart attack. You the recite you haiku again, the ducks get out of the water, look at you with red eyes again and finish the job by killing you.

Next one: Being in the bathroom

[Markus]

What a hard day that was! You return from your late shift which was immorally long again. You're tired, exhausted. All you want to do is to take a nice hot scented bath and to go to sleep then. So you open the tap to fill the bath tub with hot water, and you put in some of your favourite bath oil. You turn off the light and put up some candles instead. Everything is perfect for a nice, relaxing bath.

As the scent begins to fill your nose and as the noise of gushing water gets muffled by a small mountain of foam you undress and enter the bath tub. You're still standing with one foot inside and outside when you notice something yellow on top of the foam - it's your favourite rubber duck. Strange... you can't even remember how it came in there. In that very instant it turns its head to you, gleams at you with evil red eyes and snarls out a "Gaack!". You're so terribly scared that you slip and knock yourself unconscious.

What a luck that you've fallen outside the tub, so you don't drown. But still water is flowing from the tap, over the rim of tha tub, out your door and down the stairs right into your cellar where it causes an electric short-circuit. As the electricity net has been built cheaply over the past few years this causes your house to black out, then your street, your town, your province, your whole country, your whole continent in an electrice overload domino. This blackout of a whole continent at night is the chance that some hostile aliens have been waiting for, so they start their invasion.

You wake up just in time to notice the end of the world.

Next one: You're at the movies.

[The One]

So, you've decided to go to teh movies on a date, you please your coupe with popcorn, a few drinks and a romantic movie. Ok, it's going fine... When the movie gets kind of boring, you try to go and kiss your girl, she hesitates at first, but then she is all yours and you make out with her all the way throught the movie. Hwen it is over, you realize you forgot the kindergarten lesson about distinguishing left and right. So you notice you've been making out with a guy all the way through the movie. Your girl finds out, and she breaks up with you. Your parents forsake you, believing you gay, and you are isolated from the rest of the world, besides the guy you made out with... Isn't that the worst that could happen?

Next one: Joining Dragon Rouge.

[Markus]

It wasn't an easy decision for you, but at last you've joined the Dragon Rouge. Well, there have been some minor problems from the beginning. Your application letter, for instance, didn't arrive, so you had to send to it again. Your membership fee ended up on the wrong bank account, so you had some trouble to get it back and then to pay it to the correct account. After you had joined the worries continued - your member journal didn't arrive, and the course you had ordered was delivered to your strictly Catholic neighbour by accident.

But hey! you're an LHP magician now, so you don't complain, you just change things according to your will. And after all you're feeling pretty well in the order, reading and meditating and invoking demons and chatting to nice folks. In fact you never would have guessed how good evil people could be.

So everything is fine - until one night one of your invocations actually works. That's the end of the world, of course.

Next one: Joining the Catholic church.

[Aluqak]

It has been a while since the night that one of your invocations worked and the world ended and was re-built again from the ashes. So, you wanna do things right this time and instead of joining an obscure magical order, you decide to go straight and became a practicing catholic. You go the church every sunday, you get baptised, you get your faith confirmed etc, etc. After a few years of going to the church and learning all 49439057430958 different prayers for the 25585433564466 catholic saints, the priest of your church approaches you and tells  you about becoming a priest yourself. You get conviced that that is the right thing to do. You study for almost 12 years and finally become a priest . You perfom Luthien's marriage, Eresh becomes a nun because of you, you baptise Aluqak's son, you confrim Sirus faith and Nighthawk becomes you acolyte. You are soon named bishop of your region and some time later you become a cardinal of St. Louis... no, no, no, wait a sec. that's a baseball team...  . Well, you become cardinal of your country . Then, the Pope is dead and you are called to assist to the conclave. In the conclave, the Italian church, the Jesuits, the liberation church and the Opus Die start a kind of religious-political war... after many days of fights and rethorical disputes they decide to name pope a neutral person... YOU!
So, you become Pope... Evilious the first ... it is then that the truth is revealed, you bear a 6-6-6 in the back of your neck and the profecy is fullfiled, you ARE the black-pope. It is the end of the Catholic Church, all the metalheads of the world are damn happy... but only for a few hours for Satan himself is revealed to humanity in the form of a giant asteroid collapsing into the Earth... well, it is the end of the world again and you start to seriously think about early-suicide for your next re-incarnation.

Next: You have to take care of your sister's baby

[The One]

Let's go back to morbid thoughts...

Ok, so your sister leaves you with her baby, promising to pay you a good sum if you take care of the little bastard properly. Ok, so, the first thing you do is go and watch TV with the kid, you switch to the baby channel. In an hour or two, they start playing a relaxing song, with images of little and cute creatures falling asleep. You fall asleep.... But the baby is still in his crib, and suddenly shows off to the world he is able to climb over it... Wen you wake up, you find that the baby is made a huge mess and that he needs to get his diapers changed. Ok, you are not willing to discover God-knows-what is in the little bastard's daiper, so you put him in the crib and leave him watching the bay channel as you clean up the house, while you do that, he shows off his abilities again and gets the remote control and changes to an extremely violent channel, when you notice, you put your hands and the baby's head so that the baby can't see all the horrifid murders happening on TV and change to the baby channel again. This time, you hide the remote control extremely well, so the kid can't change to the violent channel again. Ok, so you've cleaned up the mess, now there's only one last thing to do, change the kid's diaper and feed him. You do the first with extreme disgust, wearing protective gloves and a gas mask, once the process is done, the little bastard is laughing his head off because he's done it again, and the fresh diaper is now filled with his stuff. You do it again, you can barely resist not to barf on him... Ok, time to feed him, he makes a huge mess as you do it, he does not want to eat the crap you're feeding him with, you try it and realize that baby food nowadays is not edible for anyone on Earth. You barf in the kitchen sink...
Meanwhile, the little guy escapes from the high chair, opens the door and goes down the elevator of the apartemnt building and escapes through the main door. When you notice he is not around, you run out to the street and start searching for him... Then comes your sister, you try to distract her, hoping that the baby comes back. Your sister is about to kill you because your ways of distracting are so pathetic... But right at that second the baby comes back, with a loaded shotgun. Both you and you're sister are scared to death, and influenced by the violent acts on TV, he shoots you, your sister and goes out around the city doing mass murders.

Next one: Joining a band

[Sirius13]

You answer an advert in the local press to join a band.

You turn up for your audition only to discover that the 'heavy buccaneers' are actually a band of real pirates, and not a themed metal band as you had thought.

Promptly you find yourself press-ganged into service at sea, cleaning the decks as the Buccaneers unleash their foul plot to storm and plunder Leamington Spa in their pirate ship.  As Leamington spa is some distance inland, the plan is foiled by the military just west of Hockley Heath at the M40/M42 intersection.

You make good your escape from the pirate ship and dodge into nearby woods evading the guns of both the buccaneers & the military.  Unfortunately these woods are inhabitaed by a sadistic deranged giant badger that has been deprived of food and sex for a whole 13 hours... which, as anyone knows, is far too long for a sadistic deranged giant badger.

The badger buggers you senseless and then eats your head.  Afterwards in the the newspapers the badger is quoted as saying you were "asking for it" and in the ensuing trial is sentenced to 14 weeks community service.  The badger is subsequently cleared of any wrongdoing by the European court of appeal, and given compensation for the community service wrongly served amounting to £630.  This money is used to open a worm farm.



Next:  Going on a blind date

[Ereshkigal]

You have been e-mailing back and forth with this guy and after exchanging everything, but real personal information you decide to meet up in a restaurant. You both know how you are going to be dressed so it is gonna be easy to spot each other. You arrive at the scene and begin looking for the guy and then you can't believe your eyes.... at a table your dad is sitting wearing the same clothes your blind date is supposed to be wearing 

That would REALLY sux!

Next case scenario: taking a shower