NTSMS - Non Therion Society Members Society
Main Forum => Enter the voids of the OT-forum => Topic started by: The One on January 30, 2007, 03:55:30 am
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For all your morbid mids, I guarantee this game will be fun :evil2:
What's the idea? You get a situation from the previous poster, and write what's the worst that could happen. :fish: Try to be creative and funny in this one.
Example:
Situation: Playing chess.
You are kind of dumb and slow at learning, so when someone says: "Eat the horse!" you actually go on and take the horse piece into your mouth, and start swallowing it as it is too hard to chew... You start choking and they call a first aid "expert" who actually makes things a lot worse... Then, as he thinks you're dead (you're not, you're just agonizing with a chess figure in your throat!), he takes out one of those electrical reviers and shocks you to death.
Next situation: Killing a deer
Sounds fun to you?
So lets' start with the first situation: Killing a deer :biggrin:
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Worst case scenario...shoot your hunting mate in the head by accident and ...oops it's your father in law
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Situation : Taking a bath
yo yo yo :P
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You are taking a bath. You'd like more of that nice scented bath-foam, so you stand up in the bath-tube and reach out for the bottle. Of course you slip at that very moment and fall over backwards. You try to cling to the bathroom-shelf, but it falls over and buries you beneath it. The wound at the back of your skull wouldn't have killed you, but the shelf broke the off the tap and you're buried beneath the shelf, so you slowly drown while several cubic metres of scented foam fill your bathroom and while lots of water spill from the bath tube, flow out of your bathroom, through your apartment door and down the stairs.
A young lady slips on those slippery stairs and breaks her neck. She was a physics student and would have discovered a way of deflecting approaching planetoids soon, but as she died because of your bath the world has to watch helplessly as a 10-km-rock goes on collision course three years later. That's the end of our world then.
Next one: You try to make one of the champion's breakfasts from the offtopic-section.
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It's morning and you're hungry as hell.
The first thought that comes to mind when you open your eyes is that you could go with a nice order of Chiles Rellenos. You remember you had a party last night (the hangover hits you like a hundred-pound primadona on caffeine) so you reach under the bed and take out two chillies. You roll over to the fridge, find some cheese under it and some eggs inside, and you grab some lice and a few beers.
You forget it's supposed to be rice and beens, but that's severe hangover for you.
You mix it together and take a big bite.
What you didn't know is that, on top of everything else, the chillies were way past their expiration date (if chillies even have those... even if they don't *theme from the Twilight Zone*).
You chew the food, but it doesn't taste quite right, so you leave it more or less uneaten on the kitchen sink, near the window. You sit down because, suddenly, you don't feel so good... luckily, right at that moment a crazed puma jumps through the window, drawn by the scent of the would-be meal. He takes a bite out of the sandwich, but soon barfs in disgust. Seeing as he couldn't indulge his appetite on the sandwich, he turns to you. He roars, and you get a headache 'cause, damn, that was some mean party last night.
He roars again, and you feel your head's about to burst... when it suddenly does.
You'd wove you'll never drink beer again, but you can't, can you? The moral of the story is - alcohol kills.
Next up: Making tofu. That stuff can kill you.
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Agh... Hard one...
As you start squashing the soy seeds to make your sweet and delcious tofu, you get loads of poison spilled into your eyes. You realize you have taken some posionous seed from a carnivorous plant instead of the soy you wanted at the supermarket. As you're blinded you do not see that you're walking out of the kitchen, through the main door of your apartment, that for some reason you left open, and then crash into a wall and fall through the stairway of your 20-story building (you made a mistake when buying the pent house on the 20th story some 4 years ago!) as you fall, all your bones get broken, and you collide with a table left on the stairs by some workers from the furniture store as they're having some beers. The collision catapults you through the open window, and now you're lying on the street extremely wounded, and bleeding. A punk passes by and spits at you. You die 5 minutes later.
Next one: Going to a CD store
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There you are, ready to get the new therion cd, looking al around the metal section , is not there, suddenly the little guy offers his help by sayng "can i help you sir?", your reply is obvious, yes im looking for the bla bla bla, and the response is..."NB has asked all the stores to retire all therion records due to a conflict of interests, also the web sites and the forums will be banned by the cyber police, so no therion any more" aaaaaaaaaaaaaarrrrrrrrggggggggggggghhhhh!!!
cruel right?
yo yo yo
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Just about to have sex
yo yo yo 2
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You're just about to have sex with that dream girl you've been longing for for several months now. You get everything right - a romantic candlelight dinner, a romantic nightly walk home, lots of candles and stuff. Everything is perfect. She's doing things to you that you've never even heard of, and all through that night you keep giving unknown ecstasies to each other.
The next morning you suddenly feel sick, and you collapse with a heavy fever. You call the emergency number, and the doctor tells you that obviously you had some light flu and she had some light flu which melted together into a deadly superflu. Five minutes later your lungs are a bloody mess, and the new flu from you is spreading through the town, the country, the world. It's the end of mankind.
Next one: You're feeding ducks in the park.
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You go out to teh park to go feed the ducks. The ducks turn out to be extremely fierce demons from hell spying on Earth's activity and see as an obstacle. They chop your hand off together with what you were trying to feed them with and eat it. You run around and scream with a bleeding arm without a hand. An old lady passes by and faints, a police officer notces that and hits you in the head extremely hard, so hard it breaks your fragile skull. You become unconscious.
Soon you wake up in a gay hospital and see thousands of homosexuals awaiting for your awakening, what they do once you open your eyes, is that they all rape you in their wicked ways. They rape you to death.
Next one: Drawing a picture
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You decide it's time to relax and the best way is to sit and make those drawings that you are sort of good doing.
So you grab your sheet of paper, grab a pencil and sit at a comfortable place at home. As you use the pencil to draw the first line you realize you need to sharpen it...but the sharpener is upstairs and you are feeling lazy. So you have the wonderful idea to sharpen it with your mom's super butcher knife. You begin to do so and there! You completely chop your middle and index finger. You are rushed to the hospital with both chopped fingers in a Zilploc bag filled with ice.
After a while the doctor that performed the "reattachment" surgery says it all went well, and you note the smell of alcohol in his breath :blink: So when you are released home and the bandage is taken off you realize they were incorrectly attach and now your middle finger is where the index is supposed to be and vice versa! :afaid: And now you are stuck for the rest of your life with weird looking fingers on your left hand :mad3:
Next worse case scenario: You will take your grandma for a walk
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It's asunny day, your mum asks you to take granny to the park to take some sun, well she is thirsty and you offer to get her a nice ice cream, what would be your surprise, your ex girldfriend who you havent seen for ages sells the ice creams as a part time job, she is cutter than before, thinner, and bigger in other things, after a few minute chat she asks you to have a quick shag behind the bushes, obviously you accept , after an hour or two you rember that your grandma is still in the sun and you run for her, now she is burned to death and being picked her eye balls out by birds... horney dumb ass
yo yo yo
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Going to a therion's gig
yo yo yo 2
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You are going to a Therion concert. Before they play you have to bear two other bands named Sabaton and Grave Digger. Therion themselves play for not even two hours. This is not the end of the world, but you wish it were.
Next one: You buy a first-aid-kit.
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As you are a precautious guy you buy yourself a first aid kit for your new flat, you dont have where to put it so you just toss it in the last up shelf of your closet, then your gf comes and you are prepering dinner for her, suddenly you chop your finger along with the onion and now you need a band aid, but mate, you have your new first aid kit, so you go to look for it and realise is way to high, you reach it and bum! it falls on your head and kills you ...
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Excersising in a gym
yo yo yo :)
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You enter the gym, which for some reason is empty. You start on one of those bicylce machines, but it soon gets out of control and you fall off in front of it, the wheel of the machine frees itself and squashes your back. You then try with the weights, but it's too heavy and not secured so besides breaking your arms, the weights fall on your feet and you end up holding a metal bar with broken arms and injured feet. Now you try the treadmill, this one goes quite smoothly, and as a hot girl passes in, you try to impress her, you speed the treadmill up, but in result you fall down, and are catapulted to a mirror, which you break with your behind and get stuck in it. As she looks at you, she laughs, and then leaves. Once you get yourslef free from the broken mirror, you think fo just leaving the gym at this very moment, but as you attempt to get to get out, some huge appears and sees the destruction in amazement. You try to sneak off silently, but he catches you and gives you a bill for all damages done to the gym.
You end up working as janitor of the gym for the next 20 years.
Next one: Going to a dance
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You're going to a dance. They play hip-hop. It's not the end of the world, but you wish it were.
Next one: You try to post in the "Worst Case Scenario Game"-thread.
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You are tring to post in the "worst scenario game" at ntsms, then a lighning strike your house and burns off your computer. You move to an internet café next to your home and log-in to the forum only to see that Aluqak has already posted a very stupid answer instead of you (and has also eaten half of the forum) :biggrin: . A second lightning strikes the internet café and you die of a heart attack.
Next one: "You are kissing your loved one"
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You are kissing your beloved one and suddenly she starts to get playful,more than normal,
worst case scenario 1 : She strats to make love to you like a wild animal and suddenly she yells another name instead of yours
worst case scenario 2 : You try to blow all of the canddles in the room and when you try to blow the last one oops...you fart!
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Feeding the doves in the park
yo yo yo :P
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You're feeding the doves in the park. Suddenly they all turn into ducks and behave like this (http://ntsms.megatherion.com/index.php?topic=762.msg16263#msg16263).
Next one: It's 5.23 p.m. and you're sitting in the office.
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It's 5:23 p.m. you are at work and getting all your stuff ready to leave and have a pleasant night at home. There is a very good football match on the t.v. and you've bought a 6-pack of your favourite beer for the occasion. Sudenly, your boss gets in in a hurry. "Quick we have to discuss this very important matter before you leave" says the bastard, "it will take only five minutes".
You start swearing in your head 'cause you know that one minute of your boss' time = 20 minutes of YOUR time. You talk... well, you listen your boss talking for an hour and a half. Then you leave and you get stoked into the traffic and your way back. When you get home the match it's on its way after more than an hour. Your team is loosing 2-0 and one of its players has been sent off for a doubtful handball. You pop up a beer only to realise that you've bought the "light" and tasteless version. You curse your boss, your team, the referee and the f*cking j*rk who inveted light beers.
It's not the end of the world, but it seems pretty much like it... and believe me, if you are a biologist and you work in an university it DOES happen :ninja:
Next: You are doing some coffee for your NTSMS friends
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You're making coffe for your NTSMS fellows. As you know that they use to drink/eat/swallow/whatever caffeine in unimaginable quantities, you've had the idea to buy an extra-heavy-coffe-maker-machine. You read the instructions to make it start, but you don't understand which button is the start one, so you decide to push the green one... ERROR!!! The machine starts a heavy noise and pours a thick, black smoke which quickly fills all the room. You walk on your knees searching for the door, but accidentally you pull out a wire, and all boiling coffee begins to pour and fall to where you are, burning you all (specially your long and loved hair).
When your NTSMS friends arrive, they notize that something is wrong, but they can only see a hugh mass of iron and wires and a heavy coffee aroma... and some bones drained with a black liquid.
Next worst case: you go to Wacken.
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You go to waken, in the entrance the security guy tells you that your ticket is pirat, fake, false a copy, well you missed it and yoiur money , is not the end of the world but...hell yeah , it is the end of the worl
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You buy a hamburger at mcshitals donald's , sorry
yo yo yo :P
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Ahhh... the day has finally arrived. You've been looking forward to this day for months! Got all the neccesities neatly packed. Even bought a brand new tent (black with psychedelic colored stars that glow in the dark!... haha) Your cell phone is all charged up... ran down your check-list to make sure you have everything (especially plane tickets!), then you head to the airport. The time comes to board your plane that will take you over the big pond and touch down in Germany. Zoooooom.... Plane lands and you wait at the airport for Markus to pick you up. One hour late... two hours late... three hours go by and no Markus! The security people begin to look at me suspiciously because I drank so much coffee waiting that I began bouncing off the walls and ceiling! And I couldn't reach him with my phone because every time I dialed his number, all I got was the spooky music from Halloween (the movie)! Finally, Markus walked through the terminal (so I thought... his head was covered with a Therion hoodie), and motioned for me to follow him... mumbling something about his car broke down and we need to take a cab. As the cab is driving away onto the highway, I begin a conversation. "Markus" slowly turns his head towards me and I screamed! It wasn't Markus at all (God only knows what happened to him!)... it was Michael Myers!!! Well folks... guess who never made it to Wacken!?
Next worse case: You babysit quadruplets
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hahaha Loke...
I took so long writing mine that I didn't notice you writing a Wacken one, too!
I like my story better than yours! :tongue:
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I'll go with Eve's story...
So, you get into the house and start the babysitting of the four little devils. Before the parents leave they introduce you to them and give you a long list of chores they are suposed to do. When the parents leave, you are calmly watching TV with the kids and suddenly, two of them start arguing about changing channel, and fight violently. You try to stop them, but they get out knifes from the kitchen and repel you. They fight with the knifes until both of them are dead. The remaining two have started to do their chores, but they do it all wrong and the house ends up being a bigger mess than what it was. You give them instructions of how to fix that as you get rid of the corpses. When you're back from the clandestine grave digging, you've noticed the house has no power and that the huge mess has grown even larger. You doiscover that another of the little bastards has died due to exposure to electric cables and lightning strike. The last one pretty much coopertaes with you when fixing the huge mess, but as youa re cleaning up the kitchen he, stabs you in the back with a knife and sets the house on fire.
Next one: Going to a funeral.
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You're going to the funeral of a friend of yours who went to Hel under mysterious circumstances. You see a lot of pretty women there, but soon they start arguing and fighting - it turns out that they're all widows of your buddy, as are half of the men around. Even the Catholic priest looks more sad than you'd expect him to. As you wipe away a tear, thinking that you'll never meet that buddy of yours again, you realize that your friend still owed you a thousand bucks.
That's when you hear a knock from inside the coffin. Your friend gets up again, as do all the "inhabitants" of the graves around you. The dead resurrect - this is the end of the world.
Next one: You're waiting for the bus.
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As you're sitting on the bus stop, an old lady sits by your side and starts talking to you. After a while she becomes annoying because she talks of all kinds of disgusting experiences she's had when she was hospitalized. Due to her distracting you, you miss the first bus that passes by. You keep on listening to talkative granny until the next bus gets there, when you try to get on, someone pushes you and lets the granny get on. You sit down on the bench again and wait... Wait... And than fall asleep... When you wake up again you have just one chance to get on the bus to go home, which will come in about 2 minutes, you satnd on the road as you wait... Then the bus appaers at full speed and leaves you as a sticker on the road... The driver was drunk apparently.
Next one: Getting braces
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I'll go with Eve's story...
Seniority first uh? betrayer!
yo yoyo Jk btw
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Getting braces (not the ones cops use).During a routine check up at your dentist's you make an eerie discovery!!!!! You must wear braces!!!!!! You are 26 and you must wear braces!!!!You tried to seek an alternative ,but the doctor was absolutelly negative "Eizer you wearrr braces for 2 months mein Herr, or when you zmille from now on you look like a Picasso painting" (he's German did i mention that ??).So you prepare yourself psychologically that for the next 2 months you will have little to none sex life,you cant eat any salads or other foods that leave bits and pieces in your mouth in public and that you are going to be viewed as the 26 year old nerd at your workplace. Oh well,at least things can't get worse...........or can they??? Upon leaving after a torturous 30' having your braces put on you find that the world is different somehow,there is.......music! But how come only you seem to notice it? And then it hits you like a truck on a highway street !!!!!The braces they work as antennas and your head is the speaker!!!!! Oh, well maybe its not so bad once you get used to it after all you like falling to sleep listening to music and waking up to some.And then you hear the announcement " Today beggining for 3 weeks straight the KRGR disco marathon!!!!" NOOOOOOOOOO!!!!!!!
Coming up next:Volunteering to help at a clinic for the mentally ill (present parties excluded)
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You decide that it's time to think of others, not of yourself only. You want to do something social, something that helps others. You might go singing for the elderly, help playing with the kids in a public kindergarten in a poor part of the town or something like that, so you go to an agency for volounteer work. The only job they have left over at the moment is at a clinic for the mentally ill. What the hell, you think, they need aid as well.
For a week, all goes well. You go to the clinic for two hours after work every day and spend that time chatting with the patients, playing board-games and the like. Thanks to your visitor's card it's easy to leave the security barriers after your volounteer work. Until, one day, you cannot find it anymore. You search and rummage your bags and your clothes and everything, go back to the place where you sitting with a mad chess-player to search there, too - nothing.
Not a problem, you think, because yo can tell the guy that you're not a patient. That you're here for volounteer work only. To support him, for instance, to make his job easier. "Suuure", that giant says, "and now I'll take you home." After the injection you sleep peacefully for a whole day, then the procedure repeats. It takes a week for you to accept your situation.
After that time you feel rather fine, actually. The days are a little bit boring, but the folks from the volounteer agency that come in for two hours every day bring a little fun with them. Oh, and there's another patient who shares your interest in natural sciences. You speak to him about physics and biology for hours and hours, whenever you both find the time. How should you know how mad and yet intelligent that man really is? Using bits and pieces from everything you ever told him he makes an anaesthetic gas from some flowers and a pot of tea which uses to sedate the wardens so he can flee. Once out he buys some innocent looking materials from a building centre and builds from them a device that explodes with the force of 10.000 hydrogen bombs and that sets free deadly bacteria as it does. That's the end of the world.
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Um... Markus, have you forgotten something? :lol:
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Um... Markus, have you forgotten something? :lol:
I noticed it too. :lol3:
Hint: The next worse case scenario :whistle:
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Don't laugh at him, he wrote a long story, and even the world ended there as usual. :) So I suggest the next one to be:
Creating a new world.
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Seeing as Marcus isn't here and I don't think he'd mind, I'll pick up from Lucy's idea.
Right, so you just got that new job at Universal Manufacturing. In fact, they want you to create a whole new world.
'Why not?' you yell enthusiastically. Why not, indeed? Nothing can go wrong.
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Or can it? *theme from the Twilight Zone*
You decide to start small. Day and night, light and darkness. Then you go for some land, some sky, a little bit o' this, a little bit o' that. You create some plants, you fill the world with animals - all this green stuff is terribly popular these days, you're told, and you yourself don't mind a bit of color here and there. Five days you spend fiddling with it, raising mountains and flattening meadows. You bust your ass creating the most eye-pleasing tourist resort omnipotence can conjure up.
On the sixth day, just for the fun of it, you create man. Seeing as man quickly got tired of playing with himself, you create woman.
You create a neat little garden which you call 3d3|\|, after that n00b chick from the other Server of Existence.
In the middle of that neat little garden you place a neat little Tree of Good & Evil, just to spice things up.
Next thing you know, man and woman are doing the Naughty Maneuver in the bushes you so gently created.
You suddenly think that you should've commented out the Procreation Algorithm, as Marty from down the hall did with his creation. They all became extinct, true, but the maintenance cost was negligible.
The bushes keep a-shakin'.
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Oh,well. There goes the neighborhood.
Next up: Meeting the neighbors.
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So, you and your girl friend come up with a nice welcome cake to your new neighbors that just moved in a few days ago. They appear to be nice and fun people, with whom you start a conversation, discuss education and get to know each other. Fine, it all goes well, until... They decide to show you how they set up the house. When they get to their room, they lock you both in there, chain you to the bed and torture you in all imaginable ways. (Rape, whipping, chinese torture just to mention a few)
Next one: Getting a job
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Dont getting it... ( :P )
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Going to a wedding
yo yo yo :P
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They decide to show you how they set up the house. When they get to their room, they lock you both in there, chain you to the bed and torture you in all imaginable ways. (Rape, whipping, chinese torture just to mention a few.
Um, why is this a bad thing?
*shrugz*
To each his own, I guess.
You go to your sister's wedding, all psyched and ready for some par-teh! You arrive at the blessed event just in time to see that everyone is extremely shocked and shaken (not stirred). When you ask them what's wrong, they point at your car. You turn around only to see your sister in her wedding dress underneath your chick magnet.
You feel terribly awkward, ruining the wedding by running the bride over with your car, so you try to loosen the situation by remarking that the wedding dress is now no longer white but, rather, a mixture of gray, red and black, which is okay, 'cause those were always her favorite colours and, b'sides, she wasn't that innocent to begin with.
Nobody finds the joke funny.
And they have tire irons.
(get the double irony? damn, I'm good)
Next up: You try to play Deggial on your [electric] guitar (amplifier included).
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So, you start playing the calm part of Deggial, you have the correct tone and volume and suddenly, your guitar totally loses tune for some reason. You have to sit for the next 3 frustrating hours tuning it. Once you are done tuning it, you start playing and get to the heavier part and when playing a chord, you break all of the strings of your guitar. Fine, you can live with that, you send it to be repaired and get it back in a few days. Again, it doesn't have the tune you need, so you spend another frsutating 3 hours tuning it. When you are ready to play, you decide to play it in your special amp you only use for your little garage band's gigs. (Which suck by the way! :lol3:) But, when you connect your guitar to the amp there's a shortcircuit and the guitar does a little "boom" and sets on fire. Soon the fire spreads through the room and the house and burns it all with you included.
Next one: Buying a brand new and huge flat panel TV.
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You go to the store and buy one of those TVs. The delivery guys install your TV. Just as you turn off TV, it causes a power sarge and explodes. Now after spending all that money on it, you realize that you don't have a bill for it, you trowed it in the trash. Now you are going to the store all angry and you buy a new one and say you will bring it home and install yourself. You pay it and are bringing it home. You enter your building and you see that elevator isn't working. You start climbing your 30th floor where you live. You get to the 29th floor all tired and the TV slips from your hands and smashes down the stairs in hundreds little peaces. You get to your apartment and jump from the window.
Next: Fishing at the lake
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You're looking forward to a calm afternoon as you're going to do some fishing on the lake. Suddenly some ducks come swimming by and start behaving like this (http://ntsms.megatherion.com/index.php?topic=762.msg16263#msg16263).
Next one: A lazy Sunday afternoon...
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You're lying on the couch, relaxed, watching a great football game (Super Bowl!) with some great snacks and a few beers. Then suddenly, your wife asks you to take out the garbage. Ok, fine, you'll probably miss no more than 5 minutes, so you go ahead and go to the front door of your apartment, where your wife has left the garbage bags. You see in amazement, that the amount of garbage is ridiculuosly enormous, and and all packed in little bags... So now, you go to the duct to get rid of it, takes you about 20 minutes to get rid of all of those little bags filled with garbage. When you get back, you try to wash your hands, but there's no water, fine, you'll use the soap that just dries on your hands and leaves them clean... Unfortunately, what you don't notice is that you just got the wrong bottle and sprayed acid all over your hands. You then carelessly go back to the couch to find that your wife has taken over to watch a talk show. Ok, you go to your neighbor, but he is not at home, the damn bastard is watching the game live at the stadium. Fine, you turn on the radio to listen to the game, but as soon as you get to the sports' station, your radio damages... You are now extremely pissed off and start screaming and yelling, kicking and breaking stuff... Suddenly you feel some heat on your hands, you notice theya re melting due to the acid you sprayed on them. You try to clean if off, but you just spread the acid through your arms and the rest of your body. You melt to death.
Next one: Going to a job interview.
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You applied to the phone company for a job. They called you for an interview, and that day has come. It seems once you get there, the job description has changed. So, instead of an office job (like you thought), you'll be working high up on telephone poles! Too bad they couldn't tell you in advance so you could have dressed accordingly for the outside "test". You're wearing a skirt and high heels and they make you climb a telephone pole. You're halfway up, and you notice half the neighborhood is looking up your skirt! (you die from embarrassment) Then you go up higher, and a flock of migrating geese gets stuck in your nicely coifed hair-do. You get to the top and one of your spike heels gets caught in some wires. You get electrocuted. You die. End of interview, and you didn't get the job.
Next up: On tour with Therion as one of their roadies
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I wonder how you could get a worst case in this one? Ok... Let's let imagination work...
...So far, the Gothic Kabbalah tour has gone smoothly, you being one of the roadies are with band in the tourbus and just need to help them out when putting the equipment, scenography and getting the instruemnts out. Pretty much the job a fan of any band would love to have. Ok, another showday has come... Time to get the parts of the scenography out of the truck, that goes smoothly, now it's time for teh instruments to get out. You have the honour to carry Chris' Gibson Les Paul with the tuning mechanism. Oops! Someone distracted you and you dropped the guitar, breaking the head of the guitar, the tuners (and the auto-tuning mechanism with it!) HOLY CRAP! What are you going to do now?! The show will satrt in about two hours and you need to ahve that guitar fixed so that the guys can do soundcheck! Ok, a friend of yours decides to help you and takes it to a nearby guitar shop where they will reapir it. Ok, Ok, breathe, you almost saved yourself from this one... Now you ahve the honour to carry Kristian's Ibanez, but as you get it out of the cargo compartment, you hit the guitar's head... You don't break it as with Chris' Les Paul, but you have broken all the strings and scratched the head... Damn, the emergency guitar shop is too bust with Chris' guitar, so you'll have to fix it yourself! You get some randome strings and install tehm on the Ibanez as fast as you can, but then you see somethig is kind of akward... You placed the strings upside down, so now you have to do it again. You deliver the guitar to Kristian, who wonders about the scratch, but then doesn't give a damn about it... When he connects the guiatr to the amp, the guitar explodes and injurs Kristian. Now, that is all your fault! When the fans become aware you are the one who injured Kristian and f*cked up the whole tour, they'll hunt you down and kill you. When they do, you are an enemy to the Therion community, are banned from all forums and gigs, and are hunted down and killed.
Next one: Hunting ducks
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You're out in the wilderness, hunting ducks. You took a buddy along, but he keeps cracking jokes and keeps telling you to be careful, for the ducks might start behaving like this (http://ntsms.megatherion.com/index.php?topic=762.msg16263#msg16263). You get so annoyed that you shoot him in the head. Umm... too bad that a cop, who was taking his police dog for a walk in the wilderness, was standing right behind you, witnessing the scene. Half an hour later you're sitting in a prison cell already, and you wonder how that duck came into the cell and why it's looking at you with that strange, almost evil expression...
Next one: You're calling a friend on the phone.
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You just checked your answering machine and there's a message from one of your friends. You're trying to call her back, but everytime your finger touches the phone's numpad, you get zapped! You tried using your regular home phone and your cell phone... same thing happens. It's a beautiful sunny day... no clouds in the sky to indicate thunder or lightning that might interfere with phone service. You decide to go next door to use your neighbor's phone. You press her doorbell, then... ZAP!! A fierce bolt of electricity goes through your whole body! But you realize something... these surges of power seem to originate in your mouth. Oh, no... it's the braces that you just got! They cause power bursts with everything you touch. You decide to go to your orthodondist to fix this problem, but as you turn your key into the ignition of your car... ZAP! Then you die. You never got to return your friend's call. However, she went to your funeral and as she was near your casket you were able to relay a message telepathically from your braces to her pacemaker (she was an old lady with heart trouble).
Next: flying in a plane
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You're flying in a plane, very much looking forward to meeting that biologist buddy you got over there in Canada. You notice a bunch of ducks flying next to your big passenger jet, and you're a bit surprised to see them so high up in the air. You didn't even know that ducks could survive at an altitude of 11.000 metres... Oh, and you could have sworn they were grinning. :unsure:
But oh well... what harm can ducks to a jet as big as this one? You lean back, enjoy your meal (ironically, you've been serve chicken breast) and watch the sun set beautifully behind the plane windows. Later on you enjoy the movie they're showing on the screen, even though you find it a bit tasteless to show a horror movie in an airplane. Having some macabre humour yourself, you still enjoy it...
...not noticing that the plane is losing height uncontrolledly. You never would have guessed that the ducks hammered a hole into the cabin window and chopped both pilot and co-pilot to bloody little pieces during one of the slaughtering scenes in that movie. As the plane crashes down it hits a nuclear power plant, of course, which is considered a terror attack and triggers a world-wide nuclear war. (You would have been amazed to see how many countries have nukes these days. :afaid:) It's the end of the world.
Next one: You're contacting your friend's pacemaker telepathically from your grave.
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Your soul is still stuck in your body, so you contact your friend telepathically... She gets your impulses and message, but is so shocked because of it, she dies fo a heart attack in the middle of your funeral. A few days later, she is also buried, a few graves from you. Both of you now chat as spirits and plan to throw an undead party with all of those other "inhabitants" of the graves. Luckily, most of the "inhabitants" are undead and rise from teh grave to your party, you have a great time, untila security guard appears and shoots one of the undead in the head... His head explodes but his body continues dancing, the guard is so scared he kills himslef ad joins the party... When sunlight reaches you, all of the undead, with you and your friend turn to ashes... You suffer an eternity as ashes, no more partying, no more slaughter and scare-to-death of mortals... You communicate the other undead telepathically, but no one wants to respond to you... You want to kill yourself out of so much boredom, but you remember you are dead already, so you can do nothing about it...
Next one: Writing non-sense in a forum
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Undead are immune to critical hits. But okay.
You log on to NTSMS and check if there are any new posts on the Worst Case Scenario Game thread. By Jove, someone wrote something! You jump merrily up and down, ecstatic because you have an excuse not to study. After you read the new posts, you decide to contribute with a witty reply of your own. As you start to write this scrumptious post about ducks, a pack of them flies in through the window and beats you to death.
Lying in a pool of your own blood, you could swear you hear one of them say: 'Markus says hello'.
Next up: Writing a six-page essay on the dichotomy of good and evil and your girlfriend's toy dolphin.
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Undead are immune to critical hits. But okay.
You log on to NTSMS and check if there are any new posts on the Worst Case Scenario Game thread. By Jove, someone wrote something! You jump merrily up and down, ecstatic because you have an excuse not to study. After you read the new posts, you decide to contribute with a witty reply of your own. As you start to write this scrumptious post about ducks, a pack of them flies in through the window and beats you to death.
Lying in a pool of your own blood, you could swear you hear one of them say: 'Markus says hello'.
Next up: Writing a six-page essay on the dichotomy of good and evil and your girlfriend's toy dolphin.
I gotta see who's gonna take up this one!!!!! :lol3:
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"...Next up: Writing a six-page essay on the dichotomy of good and evil and your girlfriend's toy dolphin..."
Piece of cake...
*ahem*
You're a senior in high school, and your sadistic teacher gave your class the arduous task of writing a six-page essay on the dichotomy of good and evil. You spent all week working on it... went to the library... looked on the internet... spent time interviewing the nice ladies in the windows in Amsterdam ( :biggrin:) to get their evil insights... even flew to Vatican City ( :pop:) to speak with all the do-gooders. You put your heart and soul into this essay... even came up with not just six pages, but ten!! You were so proud of yourself and knew that you scored at least an A+++. So, you put your 10-page tome in a nicely decorated binder and decide to drive over to your girlfriend's house to show her. You go up to her room like you always do ( :biggrin:), but you notice something awful... like something out of a horror movie. There's blood everywhere. Your girl is being slaughtered by her collection of stuffed animals that came alive! You can't move... you are frozen in place as you see all of their hungry blood-thirsty eyes come marching towards you. The leader of the pack is non other than her stuffed toy dolphin. He has venom in his eyes. You try to move but you can't. Now all the animals are on you....biting, mauling, etc... And OMG... the stuffed ducks are pecking at your eyes! She dies... you die. Your essay got ripped to shreds in the whole frenzy. And it died as well.
Hey... at least I came up with something! :nana:
Next: Eating cookies
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You get the cookeis out of the oven, but as you're not wearing protetice gloves, you burn your hands. Ok, you can put your hands into icy cold water and get rid of the pain. Ok, now wearing protective gear, you move the cookie tray and put all the hot fresh cookies in a bowl. You decide to eat them once your hands start feeling better. You go off to the computer and enter a forum to see that someone wrote a story simialr to what just happened to you and see that the person in the story died piosoned by the cookies. Ok, it's not a big deal, just a coincidence, you knwo, you're not gonna die... Big mistake buddy! When you start eating your fresh cookies, you realize you put poisonous insect spray on them instead of the spray you usually put that makes them taste so good after they're baked. The poison kills you eventually.
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Um, is it possible you forgot something?
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Oops.. yeah... um...
Next one: Buying a new bass
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One not so special morning you wake up with an insationable craving for fish. Not just any fish...
Well, any fish, actually, as long as it falls into the family of basses.
You go to the market to buy one. As you stroll into the blessed bazaar that holds the answer to your prayers, you notice a sign saying 'Me sel bass, goode ass knew'. Using your superior deducting skills, you surmise that the owner of the sign has, in fact, a bass to offer you. All giddy and gay you jump to the owner's stand. You are greeted by an Arab of questionable dental prowess.
"Buy kebab, it good!" he yells at you the moment you open your mouth to ask for a bass.
"Erm," you answer diplomatically.
"Kebab?" he suggests.
You look at him, puzzled, until his dwarven sidekick appears from behind him.
"I apologize in Abdul's name," he says to you, sighing heavily. "He knows only a few words of English, which wouldn't be so bad if he actually had any kebabs."
"Ah!" your eyes gleam hopefully. "So the sign is true, then?"
"Yes," the dwarf replies. "Although slightly misspelled."
"In that case, I'd like a bass, please!"
"Certainly, sir. Electric or acoustic?"
"Eh?"
The dwarf looks at you and repeats his inquiry patiently.
After the second time, it makes even less sense.
"Um... what's the difference?" you ask him. The way you figure it, it's probably in the way they prepare them - electric ones are prepared over an electric oven, and acoustic ones over... erm.... acoustic ovens.
"Well, the electric one, you need to plug it into an amplifier to get the correct sound," the dwarf answers.
You nod.
"The acoustic, of course, is self-sufficient."
You nod.
"You have no idea what I'm talking about."
You nod.
The dwarf sighs.
"Listen, how 'bout I give you a deal? I'll sell you this handy-dandy bass for only 40$, and I'm cutting my own throat here."
Upon saying this, the dwarf takes a sturdy instrument out of a box near Abdul. You have no idea what to make of the thing in his hands - it's like a guitar, you muse, but someone forgot to put two more strings on it. He hands you the instrument and you examine it.
"I see. And the fish is inside, it it?" you ask him knowingly.
"Uh... sure," the dwarf answers, shrugging. "Why not."
"40 dollars, you say?"
"40 bucks."
"Isn't that a bit steep?"
"For an acoustic bass of such fine quality? Sir, just hit a note! Any note!" he urges you.
You look at him, shrug, make a fist and hit the instrument with a whopping right hook. A string snaps menacingly.
"Erm," the dwarf suggests. "30."
You decide not to argue with the man. After all, he's the merchant, not you - he probably knows his basses. You pay him and leave the bazaar, cheered with a hearty 'Buy kebab, it good!' somewhere behind you.
Funny... you muse as you return to your home. Forgot to ask him how d'you prepare an acoustic bass. Oh, well. I'll wing it.
Imagine your surprise when you tried to cook it.
Next up, an easy one: Writing haiku near a duck pond.
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Well, you write a nice haiku, and you start reciting it to everyone near you, people become annoyed. And run off and push you into the lake. Then the ducks start acting wierdly... They start looking at you with red eyes...And soon start biting you like the Earth-spying demons they actually are, you have limbs cut off, bleeding, but at least get out of the blood-stained pond, funnily, it's time for all the grannies to come into teh park and find you rotting and dying by a blood-stained lake filled with nice and lovely duck. They all faint and some die of a heart attack. You the recite you haiku again, the ducks get out of the water, look at you with red eyes again and finish the job by killing you.
Next one: Being in the bathroom
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What a hard day that was! You return from your late shift which was immorally long again. You're tired, exhausted. All you want to do is to take a nice hot scented bath and to go to sleep then. So you open the tap to fill the bath tub with hot water, and you put in some of your favourite bath oil. You turn off the light and put up some candles instead. Everything is perfect for a nice, relaxing bath.
As the scent begins to fill your nose and as the noise of gushing water gets muffled by a small mountain of foam you undress and enter the bath tub. You're still standing with one foot inside and outside when you notice something yellow on top of the foam - it's your favourite rubber duck. Strange... you can't even remember how it came in there. In that very instant it turns its head to you, gleams at you with evil red eyes and snarls out a "Gaack!". You're so terribly scared that you slip and knock yourself unconscious.
What a luck that you've fallen outside the tub, so you don't drown. But still water is flowing from the tap, over the rim of tha tub, out your door and down the stairs right into your cellar where it causes an electric short-circuit. As the electricity net has been built cheaply over the past few years this causes your house to black out, then your street, your town, your province, your whole country, your whole continent in an electrice overload domino. This blackout of a whole continent at night is the chance that some hostile aliens have been waiting for, so they start their invasion.
You wake up just in time to notice the end of the world.
Next one: You're at the movies.
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So, you've decided to go to teh movies on a date, you please your coupe with popcorn, a few drinks and a romantic movie. Ok, it's going fine... When the movie gets kind of boring, you try to go and kiss your girl, she hesitates at first, but then she is all yours and you make out with her all the way throught the movie. Hwen it is over, you realize you forgot the kindergarten lesson about distinguishing left and right. So you notice you've been making out with a guy all the way through the movie. Your girl finds out, and she breaks up with you. Your parents forsake you, believing you gay, and you are isolated from the rest of the world, besides the guy you made out with... Isn't that the worst that could happen?
Next one: Joining Dragon Rouge. :biggrin:
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It wasn't an easy decision for you, but at last you've joined the Dragon Rouge. Well, there have been some minor problems from the beginning. Your application letter, for instance, didn't arrive, so you had to send to it again. Your membership fee ended up on the wrong bank account, so you had some trouble to get it back and then to pay it to the correct account. After you had joined the worries continued - your member journal didn't arrive, and the course you had ordered was delivered to your strictly Catholic neighbour by accident.
But hey! you're an LHP magician now, so you don't complain, you just change things according to your will. And after all you're feeling pretty well in the order, reading and meditating and invoking demons and chatting to nice folks. In fact you never would have guessed how good evil people could be.
So everything is fine - until one night one of your invocations actually works. That's the end of the world, of course.
Next one: Joining the Catholic church.
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It has been a while since the night that one of your invocations worked and the world ended and was re-built again from the ashes. So, you wanna do things right this time and instead of joining an obscure magical order, you decide to go straight and became a practicing catholic. You go the church every sunday, you get baptised, you get your faith confirmed etc, etc. After a few years of going to the church and learning all 49439057430958 different prayers for the 25585433564466 catholic saints, the priest of your church approaches you and tells you about becoming a priest yourself. You get conviced that that is the right thing to do. You study for almost 12 years and finally become a priest :pop:. You perfom Luthien's marriage, Eresh becomes a nun because of you, you baptise Aluqak's son, you confrim Sirus faith and Nighthawk becomes you acolyte. You are soon named bishop of your region and some time later you become a cardinal of St. Louis... no, no, no, wait a sec. that's a baseball team... :unsure:. Well, you become cardinal of your country :wOOt:. Then, the Pope is dead and you are called to assist to the conclave. In the conclave, the Italian church, the Jesuits, the liberation church and the Opus Die start a kind of religious-political war... after many days of fights and rethorical disputes they decide to name pope a neutral person... YOU!
So, you become Pope... Evilious the first :ninja: ... it is then that the truth is revealed, you bear a 6-6-6 in the back of your neck and the profecy is fullfiled, you ARE the black-pope. It is the end of the Catholic Church, all the metalheads of the world are damn happy... but only for a few hours for Satan himself is revealed to humanity in the form of a giant asteroid collapsing into the Earth... well, it is the end of the world again and you start to seriously think about early-suicide for your next re-incarnation.
Next: You have to take care of your sister's baby
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Let's go back to morbid thoughts...
Ok, so your sister leaves you with her baby, promising to pay you a good sum if you take care of the little bastard properly. Ok, so, the first thing you do is go and watch TV with the kid, you switch to the baby channel. In an hour or two, they start playing a relaxing song, with images of little and cute creatures falling asleep. You fall asleep.... But the baby is still in his crib, and suddenly shows off to the world he is able to climb over it... Wen you wake up, you find that the baby is made a huge mess and that he needs to get his diapers changed. Ok, you are not willing to discover God-knows-what is in the little bastard's daiper, so you put him in the crib and leave him watching the bay channel as you clean up the house, while you do that, he shows off his abilities again and gets the remote control and changes to an extremely violent channel, when you notice, you put your hands and the baby's head so that the baby can't see all the horrifid murders happening on TV and change to the baby channel again. This time, you hide the remote control extremely well, so the kid can't change to the violent channel again. Ok, so you've cleaned up the mess, now there's only one last thing to do, change the kid's diaper and feed him. You do the first with extreme disgust, wearing protective gloves and a gas mask, once the process is done, the little bastard is laughing his head off because he's done it again, and the fresh diaper is now filled with his stuff. You do it again, you can barely resist not to barf on him... Ok, time to feed him, he makes a huge mess as you do it, he does not want to eat the crap you're feeding him with, you try it and realize that baby food nowadays is not edible for anyone on Earth. You barf in the kitchen sink...
Meanwhile, the little guy escapes from the high chair, opens the door and goes down the elevator of the apartemnt building and escapes through the main door. When you notice he is not around, you run out to the street and start searching for him... Then comes your sister, you try to distract her, hoping that the baby comes back. Your sister is about to kill you because your ways of distracting are so pathetic... But right at that second the baby comes back, with a loaded shotgun. Both you and you're sister are scared to death, and influenced by the violent acts on TV, he shoots you, your sister and goes out around the city doing mass murders.
Next one: Joining a band
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You answer an advert in the local press to join a band.
You turn up for your audition only to discover that the 'heavy buccaneers' are actually a band of real pirates, and not a themed metal band as you had thought.
Promptly you find yourself press-ganged into service at sea, cleaning the decks as the Buccaneers unleash their foul plot to storm and plunder Leamington Spa in their pirate ship. As Leamington spa is some distance inland, the plan is foiled by the military just west of Hockley Heath at the M40/M42 intersection.
You make good your escape from the pirate ship and dodge into nearby woods evading the guns of both the buccaneers & the military. Unfortunately these woods are inhabitaed by a sadistic deranged giant badger that has been deprived of food and sex for a whole 13 hours... which, as anyone knows, is far too long for a sadistic deranged giant badger.
The badger buggers you senseless and then eats your head. Afterwards in the the newspapers the badger is quoted as saying you were "asking for it" and in the ensuing trial is sentenced to 14 weeks community service. The badger is subsequently cleared of any wrongdoing by the European court of appeal, and given compensation for the community service wrongly served amounting to £630. This money is used to open a worm farm.
Next: Going on a blind date
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You have been e-mailing back and forth with this guy and after exchanging everything, but real personal information you decide to meet up in a restaurant. You both know how you are going to be dressed so it is gonna be easy to spot each other. You arrive at the scene and begin looking for the guy and then you can't believe your eyes.... at a table your dad is sitting wearing the same clothes your blind date is supposed to be wearing :afaid: :afaid: :afaid:
That would REALLY sux!
Next case scenario: taking a shower :biggrin:
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So, you're back from work, and feel like it's time for a relaxing shower right before falling asleep on a comfy bed while watching TV. Ok, you open the water to let it heat, it all goes fine, you undress and get into the shower... AGH!!! It's freaking ice-cold! In your extremely surprised reaction, you jump back, slip and hit your head against the wall. You stand up, get used to the icy cold temperature of the water, that will not change no matter what you do (You'll need to call a plumber!) You start soaping yourself, but the soap will not leave any foam on you, so you rub, rub, rub, rub, bub... Until you have a patch of bare flesh on your leg, and still no foam... Ok, you think it's time to get out... As your reaching for your towel, you slip and break your teeth, and your mouth is bleeding, you run around the hous looking for something to stop the bleeding, but you step on a cable and electrify due to still being wet. When you get to your first aid kit, you slip with the wet floor of your kitchen, due to having the window open on a rainy day. You slip and fall out the window and have a free fall for 20 stories until... SPLAT! You're naked and flat on the road....
Next one: Going on a school field trip
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Going on a school field trip:
Ok. . . I'd like to start this one with a quote:
"It's COOL to wet your pants!"
Ummm. . . if you don't know that quote. . . well, it kinda sums itself up. I mean, imagine wetting your pants JUST as you arrive. . . you wouldn't be able to cover it up since you'd be walking around heaps looking at museum exhibits. Everyone would know. . . and stare at you, and giggle. . . OH THE HUMILIATION! I can't think of anything worse than that. . .
Next: Going skinny dipping with a member of the opposite sex. . .
~The (Uncreative) Cretin~