Author Topic: Stand up comedy  (Read 16036 times)

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Offline Loke

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Re: Stand up comedy
« Reply #20 on: February 13, 2007, 03:25:52 pm »


     A man reluctantly attends his laywer's funeral expecting to be one of the one people there, and is suprised to see a huge turnout for this one terrible man. He turns to the people around him.

“Why are you all at this lawyer's funeral?” he asks.

A man turns towards him and says, “We''re all clients.”

“And you ALL came to pay your respects?”









“No, we came to make sure he was really dead.”


yo yo yo :P
Scripta Manet

Offline deathdancer

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Re: Stand up comedy
« Reply #21 on: November 04, 2007, 05:58:49 pm »
I wanted to open topic: "joke-box" (as jukebox). So I searched is there a topic like this, and I found it.
Don't see why is this topic left forgotten... and it has so big potential.
So... since I'm Death, I will rise it from the dead  ^_^

"A computer once beat me at chess, but it was no match for me at kick boxing. "  :lol3:

So come on... it's joke-time!!! :wicking:
Life's a bitch... and than you die...

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Offline Markus

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Re: Stand up comedy
« Reply #22 on: November 23, 2008, 01:08:01 am »
Why is 6 afraid of 7?
















Because 7 8 9! :afaid: :roll: :roll: :roll:
Antichrist! Antichrist!
Opera music therionised.
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Eager to hear you is what we are.

Offline The One

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Re: Stand up comedy
« Reply #23 on: November 23, 2008, 07:36:46 am »
Ok, warning... These jokes are offensive, so please read them at your own risk.

How do you get 30 Cubans into an egg carton?
------------------------------------------------------------
Tell them it floats


What's the first 3 words a Puerto Rican learns?
-----------------------------------------------------------
ATTENTION! Walmart shoppers!


...In ancient times in the garden on Eden, God beheld his creation Adam... He was bored, he had nothing to do, nobody to share his life with, so one day he came up to him and said: "Adam, I see you're like... Really bored... So, um, I was thinking... Ever wanted a partner?"
Adam replied: "Sure thing, paradise gets old pretty quick when you're alone"
God then proposed the next to Adam: for an eye, a leg, an arm, a part of his brain and a rib, he could give Adam the best partner he could ever imagine: smart, obedient, beautiful and much more... To that Adam replied: "Ehm... What will I get for just the rib?"





I must say that God did quite a fine job despite the lack of resources. :biggrin: :whistle:
« Last Edit: November 23, 2008, 07:38:22 am by The One »
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Offline Lucy

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Re: Stand up comedy
« Reply #24 on: November 23, 2008, 05:21:41 pm »
Why is 6 afraid of 7?
















Because 7 8 9! :afaid: :roll: :roll: :roll:





Ohohohoho finally I understood! :roll: :lol3:

Offline Luth

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Re: Stand up comedy
« Reply #25 on: November 23, 2008, 06:27:18 pm »
Why is 6 afraid of 7?
















Because 7 8 9! :afaid: :roll: :roll: :roll:





Ohohohoho finally I understood! :roll: :lol3:

I don't  :insane:
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Offline Lucy

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Re: Stand up comedy
« Reply #26 on: November 23, 2008, 06:44:47 pm »
Try to pronounce that, and You'll hear! :lol:

Offline Luth

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Re: Stand up comedy
« Reply #27 on: November 23, 2008, 06:46:18 pm »
I suppose that my English pronunciation is not good enough to understand the joke  :fish:
NTSMS Rocks! - ignore everyone else!  (Rick dixit)
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Offline Lucy

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Re: Stand up comedy
« Reply #28 on: November 23, 2008, 06:49:19 pm »
Hm...

Why is "six" afraid of "seven"? Because "seven" "ét" "nain"...

I tried to write that phonetically. :unsure: Try to imagine 6, 7 and 9 as persons, and "8" is some scary action that 7 did and it's the favourite occupation of our dear Alu as well... :lol:
« Last Edit: November 23, 2008, 06:50:54 pm by Lucy »

Offline Luth

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Re: Stand up comedy
« Reply #29 on: November 23, 2008, 07:00:18 pm »
Now I understand  :roll:

A little late, but my speciality are not English jokes  :blush:

 :innocent:

Thanks!!!  :thumbup:
NTSMS Rocks! - ignore everyone else!  (Rick dixit)
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Offline Mystique

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Re: Stand up comedy
« Reply #30 on: November 23, 2008, 10:50:23 pm »
:lol3: I've only just read the joke xD it's hilarious...

cuz 7 ate 9 haha...lol good one!
For a spoonful of sugar helps the medicine go down!

Offline Lucy

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Re: Stand up comedy
« Reply #31 on: December 01, 2008, 08:45:24 pm »
A grandmother says to her grandson:

- I can't understand this modern music of nowadays...
- But Granny, this is the vacuum cleaner!

Offline lavaniegosII

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Re: Stand up comedy
« Reply #32 on: December 02, 2008, 05:27:27 pm »
Hahahaha. :lol:
6 6 6

Offline Markus

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Re: Stand up comedy
« Reply #33 on: December 02, 2008, 08:35:06 pm »
A similar one which I find extremely funny, too:

What does an insomniac, dyslexic agnostic do?














Stay awake all night and wonder if there is a dog.  :unsure: :roll:
Antichrist! Antichrist!
Opera music therionised.
Antichrist Superstar!
Eager to hear you is what we are.

Offline Lucy

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Re: Stand up comedy
« Reply #34 on: December 02, 2008, 08:59:18 pm »
Oh my dog!!! :lol3:






Markus :disgust:

:roll:

Offline Mystique

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Re: Stand up comedy
« Reply #35 on: December 02, 2008, 11:58:42 pm »
xD lol!
hilarious :lol3:
For a spoonful of sugar helps the medicine go down!

Offline deathdancer

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Re: Stand up comedy
« Reply #36 on: December 05, 2008, 04:37:05 pm »
Good one  :thumbup:
Life's a bitch... and than you die...

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Offline Markus

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Re: Stand up comedy
« Reply #37 on: December 08, 2009, 09:05:17 pm »
Tell me - where do most women have curly hair?



















Now, what do you think - in Africa, of course! :ninja: :roll:
Antichrist! Antichrist!
Opera music therionised.
Antichrist Superstar!
Eager to hear you is what we are.

Offline Lady Sa'iltu

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Re: Stand up comedy
« Reply #38 on: December 09, 2009, 07:47:49 pm »
I hate 2 things - racism and negros.

-Doctor, tell me what to do! Yesterday a surgeon told me to amputate my ears!
-Oh, god forbid! He's indeed a cruel monster! I'll give you some pills, and your ears will fall off next week!
----------------
You won't believe me!!! I tried to post it in this topic, but when I've done it, found my post in another!   :insane:
"Die gewöhnlichsten Irrschlüsse der Menschen sind diese: eine Sache existiert, also hat sie ein Recht." (F. Nietzsche)

Offline Markus

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Re: Stand up comedy
« Reply #39 on: December 09, 2009, 09:05:30 pm »
I really don't believe you; I think you are just kidding. :P

 :wink2:
Antichrist! Antichrist!
Opera music therionised.
Antichrist Superstar!
Eager to hear you is what we are.